Ghosts of flings and crushes past decided to show up unannounced this fall. By text. Not the worst thing in the world, but you realize soon enough why some connections either failed, or were maybe never meant to be in the first place. No matter how much you wanted them to, or thought they might. True colors come out and you realize, oh… this is never gonna happen. Not the way I want it to at least.
I’ve been down this road so many times, I have very little patience for it. And I feel I’ve been very patient with “it.” But it’s futile. Pointless, I’ve realized. Maybe it’s a good thing. A final chapter closing. And I’ve wanted this chapter to close for a long time (or did I?). Wasn’t sure it was ever going to.
Now I can start fresh. Build my life here without ties to anywhere else. Without emotional strings attached to someone who doesn’t really want me at the end of the day. Sounds depressing af, but it’s actually kind of invigorating.
I’ve joined a church, which might sound a little off-brand. But when you’ve been as lonely as I’ve been, well, it’s either stay in this Groundhog Day mind-fuck or go out of your comfort zone. The church is chill. More about connecting with God than guilt-tripping about sinning. They go to breweries after service. They have women’s dinners and Christmas parties. Everyone has been super nice. I’m making age-appropriate friends, which is what I really needed most of all.
I’ve also joined a racquetball club that is really more of a social club, but with a gym and tennis membership. I’m officially middle-aged now. I decided that I needed to participate in the strength training classes to tone my increasingly un-toned forty-six-year-old arms. I’m the youngest person in the class I’d say by fifteen to thirty years. I’m noticing my arms are getting more slim, and the women also invited me to a wine social hour at a house in the hills this past week. Winning.
Paperback Releases
I have news. Finally. The paperback versions for Book 1 are now available on Amazon. Book 2 will be released sometime in January, both ebook and paperbacks. As of right now I’m releasing Synth Noir in both trade and mass market sizes. Why? Because I freakin’ love mass market paperbacks!! That’s why. I’m obsessed with them and collect vintage mass markets from the ‘70s, ‘80s, and ‘90s. I like that they’re pocket-size and you can toss them in your beach bag. I know they’re not for everyone, but they are available for now if you are so inclined.
I don’t have author copies yet so please ignore the big gray stripe that KDP adds to their proofs in the photo. Your copy will obviously not have the big gray stripe, but I wanted to give you guys a sneak peek. Also, the trade size has a matte cover and the mass market size will be glossy. I’m still waiting for KDP to sync everything to one product page so use the links above to get your preferred size.
Music Rec
This seems appropriate right now. Beach House’s Myth. A song a certain someone sent to me a long time ago, that had a big impact at the time because it rang true.
It still does.
“If you built yourself a myth
You’d know just what to give
What comes after this
Momentary bliss?
The consequence
Of what you do to me
Help me to name it
Help me to name it
Found yourself in a new direction
Arrows falling from the sun
Canyon calling, would they come to greet you?
Let you know you’re not the only one
Can’t keep hanging on
To what is dead and gone
If you built yourself a myth
You’d know just what to give
Materialize
Or let the ashes fly”
Just ordered my copy. I hope you have a happy holiday!