My landscaper wouldn’t stop hitting on me so I had to fire him. Before that, my cat had disappeared for five days. I posted on NextDoor to see if anyone had seen her. Turns out she was vacationing in my neighbor’s backyard during the day and begging to go into her house at night. She has a home though. She didn’t want to come home? I was devastated. My backyard, which is actually a fairly large patio, has been a wasteland since I moved in. The thought of redoing it was appealing but also expensive. My cat not coming home was the motivation I needed.
I hired a landscaper with about 200 reviews on Thumbtack. He came out to give me a quote and then immediately started hitting on me via text. Not asking me out per se, but telling me my voice was soft and lovely and that I was beautiful. I was more annoyed than flattered, but I took it with a grain of salt since I get zero male attention these days. I told him to keep it professional. He said ok. He gave me a pretty good deal and came out for the job.
He needed to come out a second time to lay out the pea gravel and in between, he started hitting on me again. Annoyed, I told him to stop. He said ok.
After the job was done, and I began laying down my cheap interlocking outdoor tiles from Amazon over the compressed granite (half my patio was concrete, the other half was compressed granite—don’t ask), I realized it wasn’t a stable base. I didn’t want to go through the hassle of finding another landscaper so I texted him to see if he could come out and lay down concrete for that small section so that it would all be the same level. He said he could. I made sure to wear loose clothing and nothing tight or revealing so I didn’t get him riled up again. He came out and did the job and left without any inappropriate comments.
Later that night I texted him to confirm how much I owed him since this time he didn’t send me an invoice. He had quoted me $450. He replied “$500 if you want.” $500 if I want? What the hell does that mean? “Did something change,” I asked him. He didn’t respond. It was late and I was tired and I wanted to be done with him so I just paid the $500. He immediately texted me back that he was joking and sent $50 via Venmo. I was livid, but too tired to deal with his games. This guy was a fucking idiot.
He texted me the next day asking if I got the $50, and I said yes, and why do you keep playing games with me? He responded that he was being sarcastic and asked if I get mad easily. What a dumbass. I didn’t respond. He texted later with a sad emoji. I didn’t respond. He texted the next day, “u mad?” I finally exploded on him that he was being creepy and weird.
What I want to do is to write a scathing review that this guy is totally unprofessional, but I just don’t have it in me to stir the pot. Maybe it’s being a woman and not wanting to cause a fuss. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I should just write it. Does he do this to other single women? I’m sure of it. Or maybe there’s something about me that says, mess with me, please. I gave him no indication that I was remotely interested. He’s just an idiot. Should I write the review? It’s not like he actually did anything to me, but to come into my house as a so-called professional and keep hassling me pisses me off.
But I am tired. Very tired. My years of trauma and overwork came to a head last week. I’ve probably been in fight or flight mode for the last fifteen years since getting married and going through a divorce two years later. And the years following, I can’t say any of them have been great. Or even good. They’ve been ok, and a lot have been not good. Some have been terrible.
I found a bump on my thyroid while putting on neck cream last week. And I hit a wall two days later. Energy, gone. Totally depleted. Even my eyesight felt strained. I went to the doctor, and I’m to do bloodwork this week and an ultrasound next week. I slept twelve hours last night and woke up at nearly 11AM. That never happens. My body is saying enough is enough.
I’m scared. I’ve already come to terms that I probably have Hashimoto’s or thyroid disease. I have all the symptoms (exhaustion, weight gain, body aches, etc) that I thought were due to perimenopause. I just hope it’s not anything worse than that.
About two months ago I was working two jobs as a copywriter. One for an agency and a contract gig for a well-known clothing brand. I quit the agency job so I could get a break. I needed a break. My contract was for 25 hours a week. Money would be tight, but that would give me the time I needed to finish publishing Synth Noir. Something I’ve been trying to do forever.
Literally the day after I quit the agency, my manager at my contract gig, asked if I could go up to forty hours a week. I swear to God, this always happens to me. The timing is always off. I wasn’t going to say no to forty hours since I needed the money, but man, I really needed that break. For my sanity.
Not only were my hours going up, but I was going from writing site copy to organic social and paid copy, both of which weren’t really part of my wheelhouse as a copywriter. The stakes were high at my contract gig in general, and the pressure was on. It was an extremely rough couple of weeks making the transition. Timelines were off, I wasn’t getting the support I needed, and more and more was being dumped on my plate.
I got through it, but I think it took a bigger toll on me than I realized. Couple that with ongoing drama (sadness and loneliness) in my social life, the unfinished book series hanging over me, and keeping up with shit in general—well, here we are.
I stopped writing on here because I had nothing to say for a long time. I don’t enjoy writing when it’s forced. I’m a lackluster marketer because of that. I get excited, motivated, and then burn out.
My plan was to come back when the series was fully published on Amazon—to say, here it is guys! It’s ready for you, finally. That was supposed to be about a month ago. Well, it’s not on Amazon yet. I have the first ebook for sale on my author website. And I have all sorts of plans. But now, I have to take it one step at a time.
Lesson learned, that you must have your book totally completed before you start making promises about launch dates and such. I thought I had learned this from my mishap with serializing Van Life on here. But I’ve been working on Synth Noir for so long I thought the final edit (which is actually pretty light) and proofing would be a piece of cake and quick. No. Not when you’re working two jobs and you’re a self-publishing newbie.
It’s fine. It has to be. I can’t beat myself up over it (I have already, too much). For my sanity and my health.
I’m exhausted, but resilient. If there’s one thing that I am, it’s resilient. Cue the orchestra.